Most of you reading this will already know that in just 4 weeks time I will be running the London Marathon!!! I'm running for Rethink Mental Illness and I've decided today to share my story as to why I'm running for them and how the training has been so far...
First of all a HUGE HUGE thank you to everyone who has sponsored me and been rooting for me so far!! Couldn't do it without you!
So yesterday I survived the longest run I have ever done in my life; ...21 MILES!!!! in 3 hours and 14 minutes!! So now to taper down ready for the big day!! Here's my story...
Back in 2014 I decided I really wanted to run the London Marathon, and so when I wasn't awarded a place though the ballot I decided to try applying for charities, choosing the ones that were closest to my heart and most meaningful to me. Rethink Mental Illness was one that gave me a place to run!!
The reason its close to my heart? Not only have I had close friends and family suffer from mental health problems, I've also suffered myself and I'm fed up of the taboo surrounding mental health that stops people from talking about it, stops people getting help, and so I jumped at the chance to raise not only money for them but also awareness!! (Sadly due to an injury I was unable to run it in 2015, but this year I'm ready and more determined than ever!)
When I was at university I was diagnosed with depression... I wasn't 'just sad' and I couldn't 'just cheer up'. It didn't matter that I was at an amazing university, doing a degree I loved and that I have a fantastic family and network of friends. None of that matters when you have depression, because the cruel reality is that you can't see the positive in all of that, instead you find negative.
Now I realise that some people reading this will have no idea what that feels like and might find it difficult to understand, but sadly, some of you will be able to relate. What it feels like to think that there is not light, no hope, and that actually all the 'positive things' in life people keep telling you about, you feel you don't deserve and so you block it out, push it all away, push people away which digs you deeper into this dark hole. Unfortunately, it isn't a case of, well just don't push things away, stop blocking it out, its a mental block that prevents you being able to do that. BUT in my personal experience, you can be in the deepest, darkest place of your life, and somehow still manage to put a smile on your face...crazy right??
SO... where do I stand now? Well, I'm not entirely sure yet if depression ever fully goes away, at least I'm pretty sure mine hasn't yet. I still have my days, but running has played a huge part in getting me through!! Even better reason to run a marathon for mental illness right?? I won't lie to you, the training has been tough, and sometimes I have thought about just giving up, or have lost all motivation to even go running (..even though it helps?!) But here I am, I've made it this far...only 4 weeks to go!!
So I would love it if you would sponsor me for this monstrosity of a challenge!! I really need to get to £2000!!!