Tuesday, 24 October 2017
ACE! ; To some this will simply mean that something was really good. Others it is a card in a deck of
52. But to over 60 people this Summer, it not only meant the former idea but also the name of a totally wicked Summer School with The Salvation Army back in August.
The theme of this week was 'Plot Twist'. Not only was the week filled with fun, spiritual teaching, pranks and just great time spent together making new friends and strengthening existing ones, not only did it exceed all my expectations of the week, but when I returned home I was greeted with the exact theme of the week... my very own 'plot twist'.
It was precisely two days after I got home from ACE with severe blues that we sat down as a family and my brother, granny and myself were told the breaking news... the news every officer's kid dreads to hear... "We're moving...- in January". I can't quite remember in detail what exactly went through my head at the time, but tears started streaming down my face. At this point it was completely confidential, no one was allowed to know and it remained like that for about 6 weeks!!
As I came to process the idea, a lot of anxiety came along with that. I hate change, particularly a lot of change all at once!! What was I going to do? Do I stay? Do I go? What about my job? What about my friends? All the amazing people I spent ACE with? These questions would go round and round in my head and a lot of people began to ask what my decision was (Anyone who knows me well knows I'm bad at making decisions like this!). This has been accompanied by the inability to sleep and waking up at 3am worrying about it.
Another huge part of my thinking was anger and blame... 'Why is God doing this?' I thought... why would he give me the best week at divisional music school and then bring it all tumbling down? Why now and why so suddenly? I'm continuing to work through this and hoping to see that 'all this is happening for a reason'.
As I continue to journey down this very unknown path, I currently plan to remain in Felixstowe. I have no idea how life looks for me come January 2018, I try not to think about it too much as it stirs up dread and nausea inside me. But one thing I am sure of is I won't be homeless; I've sorted that much out, and I'm really hoping this is all part of a 'greater plan'!
I'll keep you posted!